Bitty Berry

This is a place where you can explore my mind. In case I'm never around. Hello.

About me

Hi, if you're a friend of mine you would know who I am.You came here with interest, wellI'm just a clumsy person in general, I made many regrets throughout my life. The one I do not regret is making friends along the way.I like analysing almost everything and I do intend to put everyone first before me. If you don't know me, then you wouldn't know that my attitude is nothing but hiding the tears I make throughout my time.I love drawing alot, but sometimes I lose motivation. Pretty normal lol, I love how inspiring artists are, how they use to do it for fun and express themselves.I'm a metaphoric person, I do intend to explain some things indirectly as saying things straight up makes me feel I'm not speaking from the heart. Little silly, but that's how I view it.I enjoy music, I would sit there all day listening and watch if you play some sort of instrument or sing. It brings out some light and passion, and I admire people who has the ability to have fun and strive themselves with enjoyment. Makes me wish if I could have that aspect too.I'm a lore fanatic, which means I love exploring the aspects of theories, and writing my characters lore with rightful logics. I enjoy some games like FNAF, Sonic, Miside, Undertale and TADC. Character backgrounds I like looking into the most, it gets my brain thinking alot on how it effects a character, like why does one become a villain or mean, or how entirely what makes the character important. I could yap for hours talking about the lore of this and that. May matpat retire well. 🙏I suffer with BPD, which stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. I generally hate my moods especially when it gets me thinking so dark. My code word whenever I have a feeling my deep thinking will kick in is Scramble. My thoughts are beyond overthinking, I can visually see my situation, my conclusion to life. How I view myself makes me angry, frustrated and sad. I would not want to go through those thoughts to someone as it can be too much. It almost be like reading a novel, and I would never want to bombard my friends with my problematic thoughts that's hella depressing-otherwise, I am more upbeat, chillin and not give a care how I am, for as long as I can help my friends make their day.Hanging out with my friends is always something that makes my day. Sometimes my clumsiness brings in the joy to my friends, even if it lasts for a little while. I'm always happy to at least done something to help my friends heal from the pain. I've always been the clown of the groups, but I'm the more joyful from being able to do my part.I fight to be happy as best I can even at my darkest thoughts. My laughs and smiles are just as genuine as my tears that created the ocean. Never ending.

To my friends

´ ´ 𝔸 𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕞𝕪 𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕤 —
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚋𝚒𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚎𝚛
𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚝 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎, 𝙸 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚝 ت︎
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝙸 𝚜𝚊𝚠 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗 𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞, 𝙸 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍
𝚆𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚍𝚊𝚙𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚊 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚑 》「 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚜𝚘 𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚢, 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚘, 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝙸 𝚒𝚍𝚘𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝. 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝙸 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎, 𝚃𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝. 𝙵𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚖𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚎 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝚄𝚙 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚟𝚎. 」» 𝙸𝚏 𝚒'𝚖 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍, 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚒'𝚖 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐. 𝚆𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚛𝚝. 𝙸𝚏 𝚒'𝚖 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍, 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚒'𝚖 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝙸'𝚖 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐... 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒'𝚖 𝚝𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚍... 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚒'𝚕𝚕 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜𝚗𝚝 𝚐𝚘 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚢. 𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎, 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎. 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚎, 𝚖𝚢 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜. 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝙸 𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝙸 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠, 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚜𝚔 𝚏𝚘𝚛, 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒'𝚖 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚠𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚞𝚙 𝚊𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝☀︎︎ 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚏 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐... 𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚕𝚎𝚏𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚢𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚞𝚢𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚜. 𝙸 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞.

To my family

I know I never done anything right being a part of your family, the word sorry isn't even good than what I have done to stress you all with what I do.Those rough times, I still love you all with all my heart. It aches to not see you lil bros grow up past high school, but im cheering you on from afar even if you don't see nor hear me. I know what in doing kinda shows I haven't changed, writing all these things just so you can read. But you can agree it helps me express more than me being there not finding the words say what I wanted to say.You all live a life now, i'm so happy you're all striving. You all healthy right? I have done my share to make sure my existence does not intrude your lives, I want you to all be happy, to be safe.If I were to be honest, if mum was still around, boy... all the things she wanted to talk to you all, she loved you the most Sis, and I cry to bits because she never got the chance to say that personally. I remember sitting there while she talked about those years ago, her first child being her greatest day. Then me, she still loved you. Then the boys, our bros. She has talked about how she loved watching our bro dance to the song he liked.Those days she talked to me about us back at her house, i wanted you guys to talk to her too, knowing there was so many things she would've talked about minus the pain she gone through.Those days even when I couldn't do much, my family, my sister and brothers, our mum was everything. She fought so hard, and I'm happy she's a part of us, she loved us. She loved you all to all her hearts content.That paper I last written, for some reason went missing was suppose to be all of what I just written. I hated the fact it went missing, and I couldn't get myself to talk about it. My thoughts were too much of a mess throughout the years, even now it's still the same.Greatly, I love you all to bits, and if I could go back to fix my mistakes and regrets, ide stop myself and get it right. You guys didn't deserve to deal my actions, never in a million years. If I could ide go back in time to tell myself to quit being oblivious, and quit being selfish.

My inner thoughts

Stop reading if you don't want to read my unstable mind, but if you really want to understand me be, you will witness how I think.I can't bare the fact I thrown everything, I feel like deep down I'm sacrificing everything that's left of me just to make someone to be happy.I want a day where I feel like im just as important like everyone is. For so long I never felt like I'm human, I feel like im some parasite that drains everyone's life mentally. I hate it.Sometimes I don't see myself as me, I constantly ask myself with questionsAm I the still the same person everyone loved and care? Or am I a husk of what was left?If I smile, will I get into trouble? Will it destroy me?Am I doing something right?Is the childhood in my mind mine? Or my dreams?What's real?Sometimes I look down my hands and they feel longer than usual for a short period of time, like the pain and nerves are not mine to matter I inflict myself with scratching myself. I dont know why I don't feel like these hands are mine, even when typing this its like these hands are mine.Are these even my thoughts? Is this really what I'm thinking? I don't have anyone to reassure me, not anymore. So how will I know if someone tell me it's normal to react this way or saying it's bad, how do I know how to fix me.I constantly sleep... it brings me at ease from my reality... but most of the time reality is in my dreams. The ones I miss, the ones I lost, the ones I left, ide feel at ease but by the time I wake up I can't bare that I will not have those moments that my dreams are asking for, it's tormenting me even when I don't think of it, it's always at the back of my mind.I feel so alone, I loved someone once. It was wonderful while it lasted. Now I feel like I really did gave my soul away and now all I have is this pain, yearning to feel safe again, yearning that permanent home.I can't get myself to love again even, I could end up hurting the same way I did to my last. If I saw the signs then I would've left ages ago so the pain wouldn't hurt so much for both of us. I saw your pain, and I didn't want someone to have that pain again because of me.I can't love someone because of who I am, I'll always be sitting there knowing my life will finish with no one. I guess that's ok, because knowing the people I did fall in love to in silence, they'll live somewhere more brighter not knowing where my heart it. I'll sit there and watch so no one will fall with my pain. All there's left of me is pain.I can't do anything right.For the people I changed for the better, I'm glad I've done something about it.I can't trust myself that I can open up completely and show my wilted heart personally to someone.It can scare someone like it can scare me. I'm scared of myself the most.I don't believe I can make it as a person, I'll waste away when the battery is dead. It's only a moment of time when it does.Ide want to scream my heart out until it comes out, I want to throw my head to things that can end this never ending time loop of thoughts, I already know my answers but these questions in my head are like wild fire, constantly growing and taunting me to find an answer I already knew.I need an embrace. Something that can get me to stop my urges, but as of now I'm just holding down myself. I can feel my left brain slipping away. I hate it, I hate this.I just want to feel safe, I make everyone safe but what about me? No one does the things I do, always responding back, not busy to be there. Always waiting.I'm constantly waiting, even if you were to not talk to me for 10 yrs I would still respond, ide respond in a heck of a heartbeat.But life isn't like that, many of my friends come and go, and some? Well, they left without saying a word sometimes. And I had to sit there and wait, staring.I feel like im in the dark, I hate the dark. I see silhouettes, the lights I saw from my friends I'm going to end up lost if they're all gone. I need the light, I cant make my own light because all whats left is pain, it burns, it hurts. I need light but I cant hold on to them, I cant keep the light so I have to watch them all drift away.It's so dark.It's so cold.I hate it.Is there a friend that has the light that will never leave me?There's no one... because I know in the end, they're all going to leave. And I'll be alone again. Again. Again.. and again... again ...I don't know how ling my heart will keep sacrificing in letting go, I let go so much.The pain is all I have.It's ok.I'm ok.Maybe no one will need to deal with me.Maybe if my life ends here, no one will need to be there.Everyone can be happy without knowing where I am. Sounds about right, after all. I'm not human.

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